Five Seconds of Not Leaning
How Amma's hug connected me to 40 million people
“You stay kneeling until you get to the front of the line.”
Uh-huh. I made a mental note. Kneeling.
“Then when you’re at the front, you bend forward so Amma can reach you. Don’t make her pull you. And don’t rest your body weight on her. This is important. Hold yourself up so she doesn’t have to support you.”
This seemed complicated. I started feeling a little nervous that I would get it wrong. The line moved fast and there was only a split second to get it right.
There were two lines to get an embrace from Amma and I was in the left one.
Side-by-side, the two lines assembled as tight as people can get. The lines advancing toward Amma were kneeling, my knees pressed against the feet in front of me. The people around me were sitting cross-legged, shoulder-to-shoulder, their knees pressed to backs of the row ahead of them.
The line inched up. Every time it advanced, I had to scuttle forward, trying not to get caught in my skirt. I shifted from side to side so I could see how people were greeting Amma at the front. I rehearsed my movements in my mind.
Kneel. No leaning.
When I got to the front, Amma’s devotees lifted/pushed/guided me into position. Hands on my back, shoulders, and head forced me into place. Amma hugged me with a soft, warm embrace, what you might imagine from a loving grandmother or aunt. She squeezed me, chanted a mantra in my ear, and gently rocked me back and forth.
I tried to be present. I tried to relax in the moment but the position was awkward. I was off balance and my focus was on not leaning on Amma.
And then it was done.
Amma reached for the person to my right and the devotees pushed me to the left so the person behind me could get in position. I struggled to stand among the legs and feet and laps of the people around me. A couple people reached up to help me balance. I picked my way through them the best I could and got out of the melee.
What had just happened?, I wondered.
I searched my body for clues. Vibrations? Energy? Tingling? Could I feel the blessing I had just received?
Truthfully, I felt nothing extraordinary. No bolts of lightning. No great insights. All I felt was the afterglow of a warm, soft embrace.
I made my way back to my seat and settled down to enjoy the bhajans and watch the rest of the darshan.
Amma’s full name is Mata Amritanandamayi. Amma, which means “mother”, is the affectionate name her devotees use.
I think of Amma as a living saint. Her main claim-to-fame is that she gives blessings in the form of hugs. In the course of her life, she has hugged more than 40 million people. She has hugged so many people, I’ve seen her arms in braces from repetitive hug-injuries.
But to say that she only hugs people is incorrect. She is recognized internationally for her humanitarian efforts which include environmental protection, education, healthcare, disaster relief, and gender equality and women’s empowerment. She provides 10 million free meals annually in India. Her organization provides filtration for clean water to 5000 villages. For these good works, she has received numerous awards around the world.
She has also written hundreds of bhajans (devotional songs) in 35 languages. Want to bliss out to Hindu spiritual music? She’s your gal.
And of course, she gives spiritual teachings.
I’ve seen Amma three times, twice in San Ramon, CA and once in Chicago, IL.
My visits in San Ramon were in the early days of her US presence. The first time, probably in 1989, her retreat center was newly built and still had a “we’re figuring it out as we go” feel. Darshan (visiting a holy person) was casual. Even though the crowd filled its newly built hall, it still felt like a close family.
By my second visit in San Ramon, a couple of years later, her following had grown. The sangha members had precise (and slightly harsh) instructions on where and how to park in the field outside the hall. The vegetarian lunch was served with such efficiency that any lunch lady would be proud. Some of the instructions that were designed to protect Amma’s body were in place.
Years later, in Chicago, it was a totally different scene. By then, Amma’s popularity had grown so much that she attracted crowds from all over.
The hall was now divided into organized squares in the front, with informal seating in the back. When you arrived, you were assigned a group that gave you a rough approximation of when you would receive your blessing. When the time approached, a sign at one of the front squares would announce that your group should take your seat there. Then, with the order and precision that would match any Catholic usher as he empties the pews at communion time, the devotee-helpers would empty those squares into the lines in front of Amma. The lines would inch forward as each person received their 5-second blessing. The darshans lasted for hours, well into the early morning, and at about 10 seconds/person (to lean forward, get a blessing, and leave), that’s a lot of people.
The atmosphere in the hall? Anything but church-like.
There were the raga musicians on the front stage, playing constant bhajans. There were the ushers, filling and emptying the squares on the floor. The crowds were talking and laughing. The air was filled with the scent of flowers. And along the walls of the room, there was table after table of things to buy. All in all, it reminded me a lot of India with its joyful and confusing chaos.
The tables were especially perplexing. They were piled with blessed spiritual objects. Want a bracelet blessed by Amma? You got it. A scarf? Earrings? Books? Incense? It was all there.
The whole room had a county fair vibe. It made me remember the “Cleansing of the Temple” bible story of Jesus overturning merchant tables at the temple. I tried to let go of my judgements (the sales from the bracelets raise money for Amma’s good works, I reasoned) but still, I struggled to find the “spiritual” vibe I was looking for.
And yet…
Amma has hugged more people than anyone on earth, and I think we could safely say, anyone in history. What is the spiritual impact of that? I am linked to 40 million other people who were literally touched by her. That is a remarkable connection.
Imagine a world where we could hug each other freely, not stiff, performative hugs, but warm, soft, heart-felt embraces. Imagine making someone feel loved when you hugged them.
What would the world be like if during our lives, we hugged hundreds of people, just to give them a blessing?
Reflection
Have you been hugged in a way that made you feel seen, loved, and blessed?
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Emily and I have spoken a lot about the challenges of staying open and spacious in the face of challenges. Today we start our first in a series about tools to support that work: Courage. What is courage to you? How can courage go wrong? What were moments when you felt most courageous? And what is the relationship between courage and fear?
Monday, February 16th at 11:00 CT
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Very thought provoking, Julia. Interesting how a spiritual figure, ie Dalai Lama, the Pope, Amma, and others, are not only followed but are sought out to be touched, to be seen, to be heard in the flesh. Because of their popularity and demand for their time, an individual's actual in person moments are fleeting at best. Yet the experience still stirs thought and action in the seeker like in your case. Still pondering this. Thank you for sharing this.
OMG Julia, my daughter and I had this exact same experience and reaction when we went to see Amma in Chicago a couple of years ago (last year?) My daughter had a friend whose family follows Amma all over the country when she does US visits. The food was awesome. And I definitely relate to the county fair vibe. We were like number 3 and 4 to get hugged by her, which was kind of intimidating. But we were in the “never been hugged” group, so we got to go first:)