Knitting Ourselves to Each Other

And Happy Fourth (for people in the US)

Social Fabric

Photo by Reuben Hustler on Unsplash

Years ago, I listened to an NPR segment that reported on the importance of social fabric. In Syria, war had left parts of the country in near total destruction. There was almost no infrastructure so bringing aid to people was nearly impossible. Famine and disease were beginning to spread. Everyone had suffered unimaginable loss and people had lost hope.

But what alarmed the aid workers most of all was that the social fabric was destroyed. People were disconnected from each other, both physically and socially. Without connection, the aid workers worried that this was the most dire loss of all; this was the loss that would be nearly impossible to recover from.

Social fabric.

The idea that we are knit together in a vast social fabric, is visceral. All of us have pulled a thread in one part of a garment, and noticed tugs and distortions all the way through.

Now imagine this on a global scale. Each person with their own cloth; each individual cloth stitched to the next, sewn together by our love, friendship, shared memories, and goals, from work colleagues to spouses, from loved ones to enemies, we are all one cloth, connected in ways we can see and in ways we’ll never know.

One tug and we send ripples through our community.

In my life, I have sometimes imagined myself as the Lone Ranger, a nomad that rides into town for a specific (and temporary) purpose, and then rides out again to the next town. I never thought my cloth was very robust. Despite having loved ones and dear friends, I thought my cloth was knit with thin yarn and only stretched a short distance from myself.

And yet, last weekend, I sat in a room full of family linked together by both deep bonds and distant ones, a family that has survived estrangements, disappointments, and disagreements.

Despite all the tugs on our threads, in that room, I saw anything but a thin cloth. In fact, I saw a beautiful, complicated tapestry, woven with the love and history we share.

And during the week, I randomly received emails and texts from people on the edges of my cloth, reminding me that I’m more woven, stitched, and connected than I realized.

I have a friend who easily throws a party for 150 of his closest friends (with no irony in that statement). His cloth is wide and has threads of many colors. I had imagined that social fabric should be like that.

But we all are knit together into our own cloth–thick or thin, broad or small, colorful or plain.

The Fourth is a day to celebrate those connections. Eat some corn-on-the-cob and fret over where to find parking for the fireworks.

And appreciate the stitches that knit you to others.

Practice

This practice can be done formally or informally.

Imagine yourself in the center of a circle of your closest friends and loved ones. Feel their presence. Take a moment to appreciate the ways that they have supported you and helped you get to where you are now.

Now imagine that circle grows to more distant friends and loved ones. Feel yourself surrounded by all those people. How have distant friends been part of your journey?

Let the circle grow to include people you barely know. Imagine the bus driver you regularly see, the cashier at the grocery store, or the person who delivers the mail. You may not even know their names and yet, they have been part of your life. Can you feel a connection with them?

After this, let your circle grow to people in your community that you don’t know and may never see. Are you connected to the garbage truck driver who picks up your garbage every week? What about the person who is planning the new playground equipment at the park? How are you connected to them? How have people you’ve never met changed your life? (I always think of the city workers who put of Holiday decorations this way. Their twinkle lights make my life so beautiful.)

Allow your circle to grow and grow, noticing how you are connected to people very distant from you, and yet they have still impacted you.

When you are done, sit in the circle of all the people in your social fabric. Take a moment to give thanks to the many people who have supported you.

Try this exercise a few times until you can truly feel yourself in the center of the fabric of your relationships. Then do the same exercise, starting with a friend or loved one in the center of their own circle. Notice how their circle may include different people, but through their connection to you, it becomes your fabric as well.

Next week: Living the In-Between with Courage

If you listen to our Threshold conversations, living in the in-between space is likely very familiar to you. But what comes naturally, isn't always easy.

On Monday, July 7 @ 11:00CST, Emily Conway (A Thin Space) and I will explore the unexpected quality that being sensitive requires: courage.

Bring your warrior spirit and join us LIVE on Monday.

To join, subscribers will get a link in a notification email right before the event. People who use the Substack app will get a notification with a “Join” button.

For more information, click Threshold.

Last week: Longing

RECORDING: Longing