What a Rare Day of Anxiety Relief Reminded Me

Soak it in. Let it go.

Photo by Milan De Clercq on Unsplash

I’m sitting in a cafe and it’s very nostalgic. Like pre-Covid days when people used to go to cafes regularly, just for enjoyment.

As I sit here, under the speaker playing “I’d Really Love to See You Tonight” (I do think that there were better playlists before Covid but this is a minor complaint), I feel deeply content. I’m grounded in my chair. My body is relaxed. My breath is slow and deep. In short, I’m physically comfortable.

I mention this because so far, 2025 has not been “The Year of Contentment” for me. Like most people, I’ve thought of 2025 as “The Year of Anxiety, Dread, Worry, and Gloom”. My body has been tense and my sleep is often disrupted. My digestion has been off and on.

This moment of respite reminds me of how we need to rest when we have the chance to rest. It’s easy to forget this.

I’ve been lucky in this regard. When I had a debilitating back injury, I discovered that if I stood in the shower in a very particular way, the water temporarily masked the pain. I trained myself not to think about when the pain would resume. Instead, I fully and completely soaked in the relief. It was a gap in the discomfort.

Today is another gap in discomfort. I’m enjoying my afternoon in the cafe, temporarily relieved of my ever–present anxiety. Everyone should be this lucky.

In this spirit, here my tips for relaxing in the midst of anxiety.

Relax with your body, not your mind

When you find a moment of stress relief (and yes, they do come), soak it in. Be present in your body. Sit. Enjoy. Feel.

For many people, the trick is what to do with the inevitable thoughts that come. The dread of the anxiety that will return. The tendency to make this moment into a plan for future relief. The “Ten Tips for Relaxation” list and the desire to codify the experience.

This leads me to two recommendations:

1. Don’t grasp for more stress-relief

2. Don’t hate the discomfort of anxiety

I type these words as if you could just “do” them. One magic day, you’ll suddenly stop grasping and hating. Honestly, if that magic day comes, you are in a very rare, lucky minority.

Instead, you need to observe and let go. Observe your sensations, and let go. Observe your thoughts, and let go. Observe your inability to let go, and let go.

The more you can release, the more you can soak in the moments of respite. With practice, you might be able to sink into comfort, like settling into an overstuffed couch or falling into a soft bed.

“Sinking” is important. You might describe the sensation differently but the point is that it’s an experience, not an idea. If this seems unfamiliar, you might be more comfortable operating from the idea of relaxation than finding the sensation of relaxation. In that case, ideas are your doorway in. Thinking about relaxation can point you in the right direction.

But if you want true rest from the environment of anxiety, I believe that eventually, you’ll need to move beyond ideas. You’ll need to feel.

This takes practice. Observe and let go. Over and over, in good times, bad times, comfortable times, and uncomfortable times. Observe and release.

Have a light touch with the breath

Many, many articles about coping with anxiety begin and end with breathwork. And of course, breathwork can be very helpful.

But in my experience, if you use breathwork as a doorway to relaxation, have a light touch. I have two reasons for this:

1. Fussing with the breath can create additional anxiety. I’ve seen many instances when trying to “settle the breath” translates to tension. If you’re feeling tension with the breath, back off.

2. Often breathwork becomes code for “fixing” yourself. You breathe in a way that suggests relaxation. You think about your breath more than feel your body.

The way around these hiccups is through observation and release. See my first point.

Practice gratitude

I think I first heard about Gratitude Journals over 15 years ago, when Oprah started talking about them. The idea is an oldie but goodie.

Obviously, gratitude is important because it reminds you that not everything is bad. It gives perspective.

Also, practicing gratitude helps ground yourself in the present moment. If you’re suffering anxiety, being grateful requires a step back from your tight, anxious world. You put a little space around your discomfort and remember that comfortable and uncomfortable things are always happening simultaneously. It helps you be present.

But I think there’s another very profound result of gratitude. Many people have expressed guilt about feeling happy in the midst of so many alarming, distressing events. It’s as if their happiness diminishes their concern for others.

Gratitude softens this worry.

Today, I’m grateful for the cafe, the mediocre playlist, my cranberry-almond scone, and the contentment I feel sitting among strangers.

ANNOUCING: Moving Meditation

For the month of April, I’ll be hosting free 10-minute moving meditations. These are easy, quick sessions of mindful movement. Don’t worry if you haven’t done moving meditation—I’ll guide you through the process.

Here are the dates:

• Friday, April 25 @ 12:00pm CST

• Monday, April 28 @ 10:00am CST

To join the meditation, you’ll need to download the Substack App. When the meditation starts, you’ll receive a notification to join the LIVE event.

The format is simple. I’ll arrive 5 minutes before the start time so we can get settled in. At the top of the hour, I’ll begin guiding you through the meditation. You can be indoors or outside. You just need a little room to move. Sometimes we’ll walk, and sometimes move in one place.