As I sit in this cafe, I feel deeply content. I mention this because so far, 2025 has not been “The Year of Contentment”. Like most people, I’ve thought of 2025 as “The Year of Anxiety, Dread, Worry, and Gloom”.
Basking in the glow of anxiety-relief, here are my tips for finding contentment in the midst of anxious times.
That's true! I didn't think to include those details. LoL.
My coffee? Whatever the house coffee was. I don't typically get fancy coffee these days. But I do remember that the coffee came in a cozy, home-style mug. And I wasn't reading a book; I was writing. 😊
Thank you for these great tips. There is so much information out there about dealing with anxiety that I get anxious trying to follow it! Your idea of observing, especially thoughts, and letting go is what I really need to work on more. I call it the tangled brain!
I agree that there are so many instructions, so much advice, and so many "should's" around coping with, managing, and reducing anxiety that it can create anxiety.
I'm not sure everyone has this experience but for me, as soon as soon as I try to change or fix some part of myself, that part puts up a fight. So if I directly try to reduce anxiety, like you, I become anxious. The only thing that has worked consistently for me is to watch myself and let go of my judgements. So even when I'm anxious, I just observe the anxiety and leave it alone. It's ironic that when my anxiety feels safe enough that I'm not going to try to fix it, that's when it lets up! LoL
Hi Julia, I experience what you've written as being in alignment with the 3 Doors teaching I continue and the early work we both experienced with Dhyani. You are so wise to pull them out for all here: "This leads me to two recommendations: Don’t grasp for more stress-relief. Don’t hate the discomfort of anxiety." (ties to my Nine Breathings practice of the 3 Doors for sure).
Your two supports about breath are super helpful for me: "1. Fussing with the breath can create additional anxiety. I’ve seen many instances when trying to “settle the breath” translates to tension. If you’re feeling tension with the breath, back off. 2. Often breathwork becomes code for “fixing” yourself. You breathe in a way that suggests relaxation. You think about your breath more than feel your body."
Well, I have do a Substack landing and have not started yet. I need find inspiration to riff off of this and add follow-ups: https://www.partnersinplace.com/ Yes, let's chat sometime!
That's right! I remember this blog. I think it's a great idea to pick it up again.
If you want any Substack tips, I'm happy to share (to the extent that I have any tips!!) Good luck getting that started. I'll keep an eye out for your posts!
"Relax with your body, not your mind" - this is a huge help to me. Just the distinction there, because we always (or I always) want to start with the mind and work down, versus starting with the body and working "up." In stress relief and so much else, the mind is often the last to truly get it. Thank you Julia.
LoL. Isn't it funny that one of the bossiest parts of ourselves (our mind) is also one of the most clueless? I always find metaphors in our bodies and that is a big one for the human world at large!
When I started working with the breath, I was instructed to "watch the breath". I dutifully watched it. After my meditation grew a little more mature, I noticed that as long as I was "watching", I wasn't experiencing it. There was a gap between "myself" and the breath. This gap is fascinating to me. Now I work to close it so that watching and experiencing are the same. From time to time, I have little tastes of this but mostly, I just muddle along in my imperfect practice.
Yes! If I watch my breath, if I mess with it in a prescribed way, I get anxious. But when I take a big inhale and exhale without thinking, then I relax. That "gap" is such an important thing to notice, and yep, imperfect practice.
Julian: this post is so helpful. I especially love the part about experiencing rather than thinking about. Sometimes it is very much a leap from the latter to the former. Using think g about as a doorway in can be helpful.
Yes, thinking has its place. For many people, it's the first step especially because (as you point out), moving from thinking to experiencing can be a leap. When you taught yoga, how did you help the "thinkers" to move toward experience? Did you have any tricks?
I would talk about felt experience. But the “leap” from mind to body was really up to them. In retrospect ( I’m currently not teaching), I think that was fine. From a trauma-informed perspective, there may be very good reasons why being in the body wasn’t felt as safe. To try to force embodiment may be traumatizing or triggering.
You are a gap in my discomfort as I rea d Julia. Thank you for sharing.
LoL. You're very funny. Thank you for the restack.
I think “I’d really love to see you tonight“ goes perfectly with your relaxing café experience!
You didn’t mention what kind of coffee you were drinking, or what book you were reading lol. 😆
That's true! I didn't think to include those details. LoL.
My coffee? Whatever the house coffee was. I don't typically get fancy coffee these days. But I do remember that the coffee came in a cozy, home-style mug. And I wasn't reading a book; I was writing. 😊
Thanks for asking, Don.
Thank you for these great tips. There is so much information out there about dealing with anxiety that I get anxious trying to follow it! Your idea of observing, especially thoughts, and letting go is what I really need to work on more. I call it the tangled brain!
Tangled Brain is a great name for it!
I agree that there are so many instructions, so much advice, and so many "should's" around coping with, managing, and reducing anxiety that it can create anxiety.
I'm not sure everyone has this experience but for me, as soon as soon as I try to change or fix some part of myself, that part puts up a fight. So if I directly try to reduce anxiety, like you, I become anxious. The only thing that has worked consistently for me is to watch myself and let go of my judgements. So even when I'm anxious, I just observe the anxiety and leave it alone. It's ironic that when my anxiety feels safe enough that I'm not going to try to fix it, that's when it lets up! LoL
Thank you. I might just patent that term - the tangled brain. 😊
Hi Julia, I experience what you've written as being in alignment with the 3 Doors teaching I continue and the early work we both experienced with Dhyani. You are so wise to pull them out for all here: "This leads me to two recommendations: Don’t grasp for more stress-relief. Don’t hate the discomfort of anxiety." (ties to my Nine Breathings practice of the 3 Doors for sure).
Your two supports about breath are super helpful for me: "1. Fussing with the breath can create additional anxiety. I’ve seen many instances when trying to “settle the breath” translates to tension. If you’re feeling tension with the breath, back off. 2. Often breathwork becomes code for “fixing” yourself. You breathe in a way that suggests relaxation. You think about your breath more than feel your body."
Much appreciation,
Anne
Hi Anne! It's so nice to see you here. Thank you for your comment.
Yes, I have learned a lot from Sunray and the 3 Doors. Both continue to be a strong influence for me. You're correct to notice that.
I'm glad the instructions about the breath were helpful. Sometime we should chat. There is a lot to say about breathwork! LoL
I saw that you have your own Substack. I'm looking forward to reading what you write!
Well, I have do a Substack landing and have not started yet. I need find inspiration to riff off of this and add follow-ups: https://www.partnersinplace.com/ Yes, let's chat sometime!
That's right! I remember this blog. I think it's a great idea to pick it up again.
If you want any Substack tips, I'm happy to share (to the extent that I have any tips!!) Good luck getting that started. I'll keep an eye out for your posts!
And I'd love to chat too.
"Relax with your body, not your mind" - this is a huge help to me. Just the distinction there, because we always (or I always) want to start with the mind and work down, versus starting with the body and working "up." In stress relief and so much else, the mind is often the last to truly get it. Thank you Julia.
LoL. Isn't it funny that one of the bossiest parts of ourselves (our mind) is also one of the most clueless? I always find metaphors in our bodies and that is a big one for the human world at large!
When I started working with the breath, I was instructed to "watch the breath". I dutifully watched it. After my meditation grew a little more mature, I noticed that as long as I was "watching", I wasn't experiencing it. There was a gap between "myself" and the breath. This gap is fascinating to me. Now I work to close it so that watching and experiencing are the same. From time to time, I have little tastes of this but mostly, I just muddle along in my imperfect practice.
Yes! If I watch my breath, if I mess with it in a prescribed way, I get anxious. But when I take a big inhale and exhale without thinking, then I relax. That "gap" is such an important thing to notice, and yep, imperfect practice.
Julian: this post is so helpful. I especially love the part about experiencing rather than thinking about. Sometimes it is very much a leap from the latter to the former. Using think g about as a doorway in can be helpful.
Hi Jacalyn! How nice to see you here.
Yes, thinking has its place. For many people, it's the first step especially because (as you point out), moving from thinking to experiencing can be a leap. When you taught yoga, how did you help the "thinkers" to move toward experience? Did you have any tricks?
I would talk about felt experience. But the “leap” from mind to body was really up to them. In retrospect ( I’m currently not teaching), I think that was fine. From a trauma-informed perspective, there may be very good reasons why being in the body wasn’t felt as safe. To try to force embodiment may be traumatizing or triggering.
This is interesting. Let's circle back to this the next time we schedule a chat!!
Yes let’s.