What if boundaries didn’t need to be rigid to be real? In this episode of Threshold, we explore how boundaries—especially for sensitive or liminal individuals—can be fluid, relational, and rooted in self-compassion.
Sorry to have missed the live! A few thoughts that came up for me:
There are some interesting ideas and practices around boundaries in the book "From Self-Care to We-Care: The New Science of Mindful Boundaries and Caring from An Undivided Heart" by Jordan Quaglia. A thought provoking and practical read...
A curiosity I have is around the classification of "those of us living in liminal space" and "those that are more concrete". I understand why you are making the distinction, although that languaging is in itself binary and perhaps creates an unintentional boundary between yourself and the other. What I'm curious about is a shift in language that can describe a feeling of difference and at the same time a recognition that liminal space is not exclusive - we are all living in transitions and in between states - so how can boundaries actually invite INclusivity rather than "fringe and center"?
Thank you, Kelly. What an interesting idea to consider.
First of all, I ordered this book from the library and I can't wait to get it. The title seems like exactly what we were trying to explore.
And your observation that we falsely drew a line between liminal experiences and what we are calling "concrete" is also very interesting. For me, I get confused about how to express my understanding of what Buddhism calls "ultimate" reality and "relative" reality. (What you heard could very well my a lack of skill on my part to speak clearly.)
In ultimate reality, I completely, 100% agree--we all live in constantly changing and shifting energy that rises and falls. Nothing is actually "concrete".
But in relative reality, there are people who really work to make the world concrete. Plenty of people give prescriptive solutions to problems or even worse, make things binary: black or white, us or them, right or wrong. When I have interacted in these situations, even when I show up with a heart open to inclusion, binary thought patterns can't include the non-binary. The best I can do is send good wishes and hope that one day, there's an opening between us.
I think these situations are what I was trying to name. It's not that I think that there are "concrete" people. Instead, I think there are people who, in a very human way, try to make their life experience concrete, even if it excludes me and my perspectives.
I still don't feel like I'm being clear so please excuse me. There's some real-world experience that I'm trying to name while at the same time, holding the Truth of that experience. Perhaps, this would be a better coffee-shop conversation than a NOTES conversation!!
Thank you, very, very much, Kelly. You always give me so much to consider. I'm lucky to have you as a friend.
Thanks for sharing your thoughts, Kelly! And thank you for the book recommendation. I put it on my list. I like the particular attention to the "undivided heart" and the "we-care" as they relate to boundaries. I understand the false (at least, I believe it to be false) distinction between "those living liminally" and those not. As you say, we are all living in transitions, we just have different experiences of that state. Language, I think, always falls short in describing ideas like this, that are much more easily felt/experienced than put into words. What you've said, "INclusivity," is very important because it describes what actually exists, rather than the binary world we are given to create, whether we want to or not. Thank you again!
Sorry to have missed the live! A few thoughts that came up for me:
There are some interesting ideas and practices around boundaries in the book "From Self-Care to We-Care: The New Science of Mindful Boundaries and Caring from An Undivided Heart" by Jordan Quaglia. A thought provoking and practical read...
A curiosity I have is around the classification of "those of us living in liminal space" and "those that are more concrete". I understand why you are making the distinction, although that languaging is in itself binary and perhaps creates an unintentional boundary between yourself and the other. What I'm curious about is a shift in language that can describe a feeling of difference and at the same time a recognition that liminal space is not exclusive - we are all living in transitions and in between states - so how can boundaries actually invite INclusivity rather than "fringe and center"?
Thank you, Kelly. What an interesting idea to consider.
First of all, I ordered this book from the library and I can't wait to get it. The title seems like exactly what we were trying to explore.
And your observation that we falsely drew a line between liminal experiences and what we are calling "concrete" is also very interesting. For me, I get confused about how to express my understanding of what Buddhism calls "ultimate" reality and "relative" reality. (What you heard could very well my a lack of skill on my part to speak clearly.)
In ultimate reality, I completely, 100% agree--we all live in constantly changing and shifting energy that rises and falls. Nothing is actually "concrete".
But in relative reality, there are people who really work to make the world concrete. Plenty of people give prescriptive solutions to problems or even worse, make things binary: black or white, us or them, right or wrong. When I have interacted in these situations, even when I show up with a heart open to inclusion, binary thought patterns can't include the non-binary. The best I can do is send good wishes and hope that one day, there's an opening between us.
I think these situations are what I was trying to name. It's not that I think that there are "concrete" people. Instead, I think there are people who, in a very human way, try to make their life experience concrete, even if it excludes me and my perspectives.
I still don't feel like I'm being clear so please excuse me. There's some real-world experience that I'm trying to name while at the same time, holding the Truth of that experience. Perhaps, this would be a better coffee-shop conversation than a NOTES conversation!!
Thank you, very, very much, Kelly. You always give me so much to consider. I'm lucky to have you as a friend.
Thanks for this Julia!
Thanks for sharing your thoughts, Kelly! And thank you for the book recommendation. I put it on my list. I like the particular attention to the "undivided heart" and the "we-care" as they relate to boundaries. I understand the false (at least, I believe it to be false) distinction between "those living liminally" and those not. As you say, we are all living in transitions, we just have different experiences of that state. Language, I think, always falls short in describing ideas like this, that are much more easily felt/experienced than put into words. What you've said, "INclusivity," is very important because it describes what actually exists, rather than the binary world we are given to create, whether we want to or not. Thank you again!
Thank you, Emily. I think you just voiced what I took way too many words to fumble around trying to say!! Thank you.